


love where it wasn't supposed to be

by raytothemoon



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Boys In Love, Canon Gay Character, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fix-It, Gay Richie Tozier, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Jealousy, Kissing, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-10-30 02:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20807090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raytothemoon/pseuds/raytothemoon
Summary: Eddie didn't die at the hands of Pennywise, although Richie's night terrors attempt to convince him otherwise. In an attempt to see if what was portrayed in his dreams was real, he makes a risky phone call that leaves him with an unexpected guest the next morning.------------------------------(I'm not the best at writing so please bare with me)





	1. Chapter 1

Richie was frozen, unable to move, unable to speak. He hadn't been able to experience the deadlights until now, brought by an attempt to fight Pennywise the dancing clown. He wasn't sure how high he was, but he knew the drop would knock the breath out of him and he couldn't tell if he was in this state for a couple of seconds or what felt like hours as all he saw was an unbearable future without his best friend in it.  
He saw Eddie, the same germ paranoid boy, but now a grown man dies at the hands, or shall we say claw or that extremely annoying clown. He saw them unable to leave the sewer with his limp body, he watched as it crumbled and collapsed into itself with his dear friend still inside, he felt the pain of the events unfolding as if it was happening there an then, as he slipped from the grasp of Bill and Mike holding him away from the collapsing house, he ran towards it but before he could go into the still collapsing building to find Eddie he was brought out of the deadlights suddenly.

He fell to the ground with that much anticipated thud, indeed knocking the breath out of him.  
Eddie ran to quickly and stood in front of Richie who was still laid on the ground from the harsh impact, Eddie began to speak but Richie was still trying to get himself grounded.

"Richie, I killed it. I think I really killed it! I think it's de-" Eddie spoke proudly before he was suddenly cut off.

Richie managed to ground his thoughts a second too late, and just as his vision in the deadlights predicted, Eddie stood in front of him with a massive claw pierced through his chest.

"Eddie" Richie said softly, unable to grasp the reality of the sight displayed in front of me.

"Eddie!" Richie shouted, suddenly waking up from his night terror. He sat up so fast he began to feel lightheaded, completely overtaken by the worry of his best friends’ safety he rummaged for his phone as quickly as he could. Finding it on his nightstand, despite his blurry vision from not having his glasses on, he located the phone number saved as 'Eddie' in his contacts.  
He pressed the dial icon and waited impatiently as it rang. It rang once, twice, three times, then on the fourth ring, before Richie began to completely breakdown in belief that his friend was indeed dead, someone picked up the phone.

"Richie?" Eddie said is a sleepy tone. "Richie? Why the fuck are you calling me at 4 in the morning?"

A sob was all that left Richie lips, a sob that then turned into many others as relief washed over him and realising that his night terror, was only that, a night terror brought on by the traumatic events he had experienced only days ago. Eddie was safe, he was alive, and Richie was beyond grateful to hear his voice.

"Fuck, Richie are you okay? What happened?" Eddie said in a less sleep filled voice, concern lacing every word.

"You're okay." Was all that Richie managed to whisper as his sobs became less frequent.

"I mean, last time I checked I was." Eddie said half-jokingly but also confused at the statement Richie made. A silence fell between the two.

The realisation that it was early hours of the morning hit Richie and guilt began to fill his mind. "Shit, I'm sorry it's way too early for you to be dealing with this. I don't know what came over me, I had a bit too much to drink last night so I must still be drunk." Richie said with an awkward laugh at the end, hoping Eddie bought his lie and would leave it at that.

"Yeah it is early, god you need to be careful on how much you drink." Eddie said with an awkward chuckle also, both went silent for a minute before Eddie spoke again.

"Rich, are you sure you're-" Richie cut him off before he was able to finish asking the question, not wanting the conversation between the two to last much longer.

"I'm fine Eds. I'm sorry I called you so late, well early. I’ll let you go back to sleep." Richie said in an all too much conflicted tone. He partly wanted Eddie to press the matter further so he could hear his raspy, sleep filled voice that little bit longer although to Richie's misfortune Eddie said his goodnight's and ended the call.

Richie fell back onto his mattress, his head hitting the soft pillow beneath him, he laid there, staring up to the ceiling for what felt like hours, he wasn’t sure how long he was there like that, his thoughts filled with Eddie, his smile, his laugh, the way the bickered to one another, his mind then wandered to when they all reunited in the restaurant Mike asked them to meet at, and how Eddie announced that he was in fact married to a women. Richie felt his heart ache and an unsettled feeling lingered in the pit of his stomach.  
He turned on his side, facing away from his phone as if he was expecting a call to come through, but never came. Richie soon feel back to sleep, trying his best not to think about his reocurring night terror he was burdened with most nights.  
Luckily, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Morning came around much quicker than he hoped, when he woke up, he rubbed his sleep filled eyes and reached to his left for his glasses that were on his nightstand. He put them on and then looked to his clock that was also placed upon his nightstand, it read 10:37AM, he let a sigh escape his lips, _it’s way to fucking early_, he thought to himself.  
Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he reached down for the grey sweatpants that he had thrown on the floor the night before, pulling them up he got out of bed and walked into his kitchen. His apartment was too big for only one person and he often felt like there was an absence, and absence he wished someone could fill. To say he was lonely wouldn’t be quite right, he enjoyed his own company but coming back to his apartment after a long day at work always left a unsteady feeling in his stomach, much similar to the one he felt when he would wake up with no one beside him.

Pushing the thoughts aside, he went to the fridge and grabbed milk out of it, putting it on the side he then grabbed what else he needed to make a cup of coffee. As he was waiting for the kettle to boil there was an unexpected knock at his door. With an annoyed grunt he walked over to his front door, he didn’t like to be disturbed this early in the morning, especially on his day off work although the individual that stood outside his door suddenly made all that annoyance melt away.

Opening the door with a slight forceful pull, a wave of confusion and something else hit Richie as his gaze landed on who it was.

“Eddie?” Richie spoke softly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE BE CAUTIOUS WITH THIS CHAPTER!
> 
> There is homophobic comments and slurs made througout this (moreso near the end).
> 
> If you want to skip that's okay, I wrote it so you could just read up to the warnings and skip the rest and the story still make sense.  
The next chapter will be a lot more clean and happy.

_"Eddie” Richie spoke softly._

“Richie” Eddie spoke with a bit of an anxious tone, almost worried about how Richie would react to his unapproved arrival.

Richie was taken aback for a moment, trying to process the fact that his childhood best friend, the man he loved was at his doorstep unexpectedly. After a moment of getting over the shock he moved aside letting Eddie enter his house with his two large suitcases pulled behind him.

“Why have you got two oversized suitcases with you?” Richie spoke with confusion in his voice. _Is he staying somewhere in town, why did he bring them here though?_ Richie was confused by the sight, trying to think over what Eddie has planned.

“I was” Eddie trailed off. “I was hoping that I could stay here for a while.”

Richie stared at Eddie in disbelief as Eddie stared back, Eddie was the first to look away and pull his phone out. “If that’s an issue though I can-“ Eddie began to speak, Richie cutting him off in an all o much eager tone.

“No, no it’s okay. You can stay here for as long as you want Eds.” Richie blushed after he spoke, without thinking it through. _Eds_, Richie thought, an old nickname he used to call his friend a long time ago.

“Thanks” Eddie said, “And don’t call me Eds, dipshit.”

“Okay, okay. Whatever you say Eddiekins~” Richie spoke with mockery in his tone, knowing full well that the other nickname Richie called him will annoy him just as much.

Eddie shot Richie a glance, an evil one at that. Richie just gave him a smile and wandered back into the kitchen, to finish his coffee he’d originally set out to have before his much-appreciated surprise guest. Richie took this moment to try and calm his erratic heartbeat, _Eddie Kaspbrak is in my apartment, what the fuck is going on, why is he-_ Richie thoughts suddenly came to a halt, why was Eddie here?

Before Richie could ask the question he was most eager to know the answer too, the smaller male walked into the kitchen to ask a question of his own.

“Rich, what are the sleeping arrangements?” Eddie asked curiously.

“Oh um” Richie said with uncertainty, turning around to face Eddie. To be honest he hadn’t thought about that, he thought of the most logical answer. “You can have my bed, I’ll put clean sheets on it for you and I’ll take the couch.”

“Why am I sleeping in your bed? I can take the couch.” Eddie said with confusion at the proposal.

“Because you’re the guest? Plus, I’ve slept on my couch loads of time, it’s pretty comfortable.” Richie said with a shrug and slight smile, almost to reassure Eddie that he was in fact okay with him sleeping in his bed.

“Exactly, I’m the guest. I’ll sleep on the couch, just as you said, it must be pretty comfortable so I’ll have no issues doing so, as long as I can borrow some sheets to put over it.”

“Eds, No I’ll- “

“I’m taking the couch. That’s final.” Eddie said sternly, as if he was talking to a small child.

Richie signed, giving in to his all to stubborn friend, knowing that it was useless to argue with him. Richie turned back around to pour the hot water into his cup, he opened his mouth about to ask Eddie why he suddenly turned up on his doorstep when Eddie unknowingly cut him off before Richie spoke.

“Can I borrow your shower?” Eddie asked plainly.

“Yeah sure, I have an on-suite so it’s the first door on the left when you enter my bedroom.” Richie answered, before taking a sip of his scolding drink, burning his tongue slightly.

“Thanks.” Eddie said, before walking to where Richie directed him too.

\--------------------- 

It was the next day.

Neither Richie nor Eddie has brought up the elephant in the room being why Eddie was at Richie’s apartment in the first place, it was something Richie wanted to know but was too anxious to ask, his mind raced with all the possibilities to why Eddie was here.

The first day Eddie was here and the afternoon of the next went exactly as Richie had imagined it, Eddie bitched about the uncleanliness of his apartment and told him all the interesting, _boring_, facts on hygiene and the disease he could get from the state he lived in. Richie being the comedian he is took Eddie’s advice very seriously, often telling him how shocked he was by this discovery and that he’s blessed he made it through the last 27 years with all these potential dangers that surrounded him.

Eddie often told Richie to ‘shut the fuck up’ and actually to what he was telling him.

The time spent was them mostly sitting on the couch watching movies or Eddie reading one of his many books he’d brought with him whilst Richie typed on his computer.

There were times when Eddie would rest his feet on Richie’s legs as Richie lent his laptop on top of Eddie’s calves, they’d stay like that for a while, Richie trying not to let his blush become too obvious as he thought of the simple action being the only form of platonic affection he’d get out of the slimmer male.

Eddie has not long said his goodnights for the second time and went to bed on this couch despite Richie’s attempts to make him have the bed, Richie laid on his bed, his mind wondering through all of those said possibilities, _did he and Myra have a fight? Was he worried about my sudden phone call? No. Don’t be daft, as if a simple thing like that would cause him to come all the way here. Did, did he miss me?_

Richie felt his blood rush to his face, it inevitably warming up and a blush dusting his cheeks. He couldn’t imagine him missing his trashmouth, he most likely wanted to be away from it rather than voluntarily around it. Although the thought that his best friend came to see him on a whim being that he did miss his company made Richie feel a moment on contentment and comfort, he’d always wondered if Eddie did ever miss him because Richie sure enough missed him, more than he’d happily admit.

He stared at the ceiling, his mind still wondering as he slowly drifted off into a sleep that when we woke, he’d much rather wished he didn’t have.

**(Homophobia comments/slur warning please skip if it makes you uncomfortable!)**

Richie’s sat on his couch, typing on his laptop attempting to write new lines for his shows despite him constantly deleting them because he’s unhappy with the outcome, _I knew me writing my own material was a bad idea, who the fuck convinced me to do this?_ He thought to himself, a heavy sign leaving his lips as he tilts his head back to rest on the couch staring up at the ceiling. He was so engulfed with his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Eddie stood in the doorway of his bedroom staring at him with an uncomfortable glare.

Richie’s attention soon moved onto the male after subconsciously feeling holes being burned into the side of his head that made him extremely uncomfortable.

“Eds what’s- “

“You’re gay?” Eddie spoke, an uncomfortable tone lacing his words, it came across as more of a question, but Richie wasn’t sure how to interpret the sudden statement.

“What?” Richie asked, clearly confused.

“You’re fucking gay.” Eddie said, sterner this time, coming across as a statement rather than a question as if his had answered it himself.

Richie let out a nervous laugh, his heart rate beginning to pick up it’s pace, _shit._ “Funny Eds, what makes you think that?”

“That’s fucking gross Richie, what’s wrong with you?” Eddie spoke is a venomous tone, his glare becoming nasty and judgemental.

“What the shit are talking about? What makes you think I’m..” Richie’s voice become quieter as his finished the sentence, as if he wasn’t able to say the word himself.

“A faggot?” Eddie said, finishing Richie’s sentence with a term he didn’t like to hear or use.

“Hey, don’t use that fucking term Eddie.” Richie shot back with annoyance. He hated that term nearly as much as he hated that fucking clown who was the only individual that Richie could think of that allowed Eddie to know.

Richie was a very closeted homosexual, the fear of people shunning him and treating him the way Eddie was now scared him enough that he never told anyone, it was something he struggled to admit to himself.

Since that daunting encounter with Pennywise who taunted him on knowing his ‘dirty little secret’ made Richie become extremely paranoid that he was possibly starting to show and allow it to become obvious, so he made sure that wasn’t the case.

“Don’t pretend to deny it Richie, you know it’s true, that’s why you’ve hid it for the past 27 years but to your unknowing, I found out and honestly, I’m beyond disgusted.” Eddie said with an even more venomous tone if that was even possible.

Richie began to tear up, his vision become blurry as tears involuntarily rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry” was all that Richie was able to barely whisper out.

Eddie tsked at him, “What did you say? You’ll need to speak up gay boy.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m disgusting for the way that I feel and I’m sorry that you got caught up in the middle of it Eds. I can’t help who I’m romantically attracted too, I didn’t ask for this!” By this point Richie was now sobbing, on his knees in front of the clearly homophobic male. Richie felt vulnerable, that another comment might break him completely, he felt weak and exposed.

“I don’t know how the fuck you know, I tried too hard to keep it a secret, the only logical explanation would be that fucking obnoxious clown but he’s dead! He’s dead and we killed him so how to fuck do you know this?” Richie plead confused and scared. The man he loved, the man he thought would be most accepting of his sexuality turned out to be one of the most unaccepting and judgemental people he had encountered.

“So, it’s true then? You like me? As in you like like me?” Eddie said with disgust. Eddie vocally shivered and went to leave, moving past Richie as if he was scared, he’d catch his sexuality as if it were a disease.

“No” Richie sobbed unsteadily, “No please don’t go Eddie, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I have feelings for you. I can’t help how I feel, please let me explain, don’t go!”

Eddie turned to him, his hand on the door handle getting ready to leave, he looks at Eddie with a disgusted glare. “Richie.” He said in a concern tone.

“Richie, wake up.”

“Richie!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised this chapter is a lot more happier and have no trigger warnings!  
If you missed the last one, don't worry! Just read from this chapter onward and it'll all make sense :))

Richie turned his head violently to the side whilst laying on his back fast asleep, he was sweating and mumbling incoherent words.

Eddie heard a sudden bang and woke up with a shock, he thought someone was trying to break in but then heard a loud sob come from Richie’s bedroom. He got up to see if Richie was okay, worried he maybe had fallen over which wouldn’t have surprised Eddie because of the mess on his floor.

Eddie knocked on the door, “Hey Rich, are you okay? I heard a bang.”

Richie didn’t answer, all that Eddie heard was a mumble along with another sob.

“I’m coming in.” Eddie said before opening Richie’s bedroom door. What Eddie saw stunned him as Richie was sprawled on his back, twitching, sweating profusely and thrashing his head about.

Eddie quickly rushed to his side, attempting to dodge the obstacles that laid on the ground. He grabbed Richie’s shoulders and shook him slightly.

“Richie? Hey wake up.” Eddie said with a concerned tone. _What the fuck is going on?_ Eddie’s mind suddenly wandered to when Richie called him only night’s ago, in the early hours of the morning in what seemed a state of concern and scaredness. _But Richie didn’t drink, I was with him the whole time. _Eddie thought to himself, starting to get worked up.

As he was about to shake Richie again, more harshly this time in another attempt to waken him from what seems to be a bad dream, he spoke but Eddie could’ve sworn that he misheard him.

“No, please don’t go Eddie… I’m so sorry… I have feelings for you… can’t help it…” Richie mumbled shakily.

_What?_ Eddie thought, taken aback by what he just heard Richie say, _Does Richie like me? No, I must have misheard him._ Despite Eddie dismissing that thought he couldn’t help but notice his stomach turn in a way he hadn’t felt in a while, it didn’t make him feel sick or anxious, it made him feel all giddy as if he had just seen his crush again after not seeing them in a while. Eddie felt a blush dust his cheeks his mind being drawn into a rabbit hole he didn’t have time to venture into.

He shook his head as if he was shaking those thoughts away from him so he could focus on the more important matter at hand.

“Richie” Eddie said in an even more concerned tone.

“Richie wake up!” Eddie shook the violently sobbing man beneath him.

“Richie!” Eddie nearly shouted as his first two attempts failed to achieve their goal, before Eddie was able to try again Richie woke up in a shock.

He gasped as if he was being held underwater and sat up suddenly, startling Eddie and causing them to bump heads.

“Shit!” Richie hissed as he placed a hand over the area that had just connected with Eddie’s head. “What the fu-“ Richie was stopped in his tracks when he saw the extremely relieved face that was plastered upon Eddie.

Before he could say anything, Eddie leaned in and hug him tightly, putting his hand into Richie’s damp locks whispering to him reassuringly.

“It’s okay Richie, you’re awake now, I’m here” Eddie said softly still hold him close.

Richie let out a whimper before wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and pulling him closer, he began to cry all over again, as a sense of fear and relief washed over him as he was brought out of the night terror he was trapped him, this time, when he awoke from it, the one person he needed desperately was there for this first time.

Richie wanted to hold Eddie like that forever, having him close so he could never leave him again. Eddie tried to pull away but realising Richie’s tight grip on him, he leant back into Richie, his face in the others neck, allowing them to stay together like that until Richie had calmed himself down.

Eddie felt Richie loosen his grip and pulled away from his to see his face, Eddie cradled Richie’s cheek causing Richie to instinctively lean into his warm touch.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie asked softly, caution in his voice as he didn’t want to upset Richie all over again.

“Maybe tomorrow” Richie spoke after a brief silence where he had thought about what he should do, Richie didn’t want to ruin the moment but soon realised that either way it would be, he could either bring up the night terror and expose himself to Eddie or say he didn’t want too and for Eddie to return to the couch to continue his slumber.

“Okay” was all Eddie said, a softly smile to go along with it. He got up off of Richie’s bed, and walked around to the other side.

Before Richie had time for it to all set in, the panic of what he had just experienced still taking a hold of his mind, he saw Eddie climb into the other side of his bed. Confusion crossed his face as he saw Eddie lay comfortably facing him, looking into his eyes and Richie looking back into his.

As they were both looking back into each other’s eyes, more specifically, as Richie was looking deep into Eddie’s brown, doe like eyes, he was searching for any sign of mockery or judgement, there wasn’t any to be found though. Richie had imagined this moment so many times if many forms of scenarios, one where they were both looking into each other, time frozen still, the only sound being their shared heartbeats, in these scenarios Richie would lean in and pull Eddie into a passionate kiss.

_Kiss him,_ He thought, Richie felt himself leaning in as if he was there, in one of those scenarios where he was able to do what he’s wanted to do for a long, long time, but this wasn’t a scenario and Richie couldn’t do it, he wasn’t allowed.

He stopped himself before he made a choice, despite him desperately wanting too, he would later regret.

“Eds I-“ Was all he said before he trailed off. All Eddie did was smile; he must’ve noticed the shake in his voice.

“Let’s go to sleep Richie, it looks like you didn’t get much of it, let’s talk tomorrow okay? I think it’s about time why I explained my sudden appearance.” Eddie said in an uncomfortable tone, clearly to topic of it making him unsteady.

“Okay” Richie said with uncertainty, he slowly laid on his back, breaking eye contact with Eddie first, he starred up back at the ceiling, a sight that now made him uneasy, it’s always how these things started, he’d look into the blankness stretched above him, thinking about the man that was laid next to him.

He let out a shaky breath and felt the bed move, Eddie moving closer to him.

“It’s okay Rich, I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Eddie spoke reassuringly.

Richie let out a laugh, “Funny isn’t it? I’m like what 40 and I need someone to shoo me off to sleep because I’m having bad dreams.”

In reality, Richie felt weak, vulnerable and embarrassed. He didn’t know when these all started, he’d always have nightmares but never as frequent or severe as these ones, all he knows is that after he got stuck in the deadlights, most nights he’d experience something like this, sometimes for than once, causing him sleepless nights.

“We’re all human, and after what we’ve been through, I’m amazed that I haven’t had a bad dream yet.” Eddie also let out a chuckle, in hopes to lighten Richie’s mood if only by a small amount.

Richie hadn’t told Eddie what he saw in the deadlights, he didn’t want to tell Eddie what he saw. He knew Eddie was curious, he had a right to know that Richie saw him die and get left behind by his so called best friends but couldn’t bring himself to speak up, otherwise if he did, he’d have to re-live that experience and it was one he’d much rather forget.

Richie let out another sigh, this one more steady and shuffled towards Eddie, to his surprise, Eddie leant in further, so Eddie’s forehead was resting upon his shoulder. Richie smiled to him, he felt like a safety blanket had just been chucked over him.

Both Richie and Eddie fell asleep, both huddled together, both wishing that they could be closer.


End file.
